You Never Left Me

Two years ago, I thought I had it all. All I had, really, was a handful of lies. All I had was a house of cards, just waiting to fall apart. Two years ago, I wore a different ring. Today I still feel the weight of it.

You ruined me. Forever. You stomped all over my heart in your parade, shouting those "fuck offs" with confidence, killing me slowly, and I'm still not alive. Not like I used to be. The light in my eyes is still dimmer and quietly disappearing, even with the fire of real-life love lit within me. Nothing can quench the thirst you caused. I am hopeless, helpless, still under your thumb, while you forget, slowly forget, about all of your offenses. But I remember. My heart remembers.

I am swallowed, still, by your ocean, lost, still, in your maze. I don't trust a human soul. I don't want the way I used to want, with waves, with storms, a want that was unstoppable. I don't chase the way I used to chase. Everything within me is different, tainted. No matter how beautiful my life is, I still see ugliness in the mirror. No matter how safe my home is, I still shake with fear at night.

I may have left you, but you never left me.